Going bathroom
Where to go?
Sooner or later, every offroader needs a bathroom break. Even though every human body on the planet has this primordial need, we seldom discuss it in social settings.
You cannot go offroading, though, without dealing with this issue. Rarely are we fortunate enough to encounter restrooms or vault toilets along the trail. So how to answer Mother Nature’s call?
Step one: get on the radio and ask the Trail Leader for a “bio break” or a “10-100” as the old CB’ers called them, based on law enforcement jargon. When you do make that request, you will be surprised at how many fellow drivers will join in to say that they also need to stop for relief.
The Trail Leader should try to find a suitable stretch of path wide enough for the vehicles to pull over and safely park, while allowing enough room for a stray vehicle to pass. Ideally, the stopping area should be conducive to doing “business”, meaning that there is natural cover on either side of the road and a safe pathway to reach said cover. Shrubs, thick trees, rocks, berns — something to provide a modicum of modesty.
Males have the advantage of only needing to turn our backs to any spectators, but females (or males doing number two) will require more privacy.
The Trail Leader should announce over the radio that this is a bio break, and not a scenic hiking expedition or prolonged lunch stop. If you anticipate needing to walk some distance out of sight, or to take a longer time of it (you know what I am talking about), please bring a handheld radio with you, or at least notify someone in the group that you will “be awhile”.
It is very common for the Trail Leader to suggest that “men to the left, and ladies to the right, because women are always right”; or “men to the front, and ladies to the rear” (because people sitting in their Jeeps tend to look forward rather than behind them).
Pankay portable privacy tent (hat). Available on Amazon.
One of our favorite solutions is the Pankay Privacy Tent, which is essentially a large hat that you wear with drop-down sides. It is lightweight, inexpensive (around $25), and requires no setting up. Just unfold it, similar to unfolding a windshield shade, and then put it on your head like a large brimmed hat. The side is a long skirt hoop that drops down around you. Instant privacy. Use it as is and just squat, or with a paint bucket/toilet seat.
Cleaning up
Bring some hand sanitizer for your hands. For personal hygiene, wet wipes do the trick. A much better clean than just dry toilet paper.
Discard the used wipes or t.p. in a small bag; don’t litter. Those products do not decompose readily. Pack out what you pack in. Dispose of the little bags where there are proper trash bins.
As for human waste, bury it if feasible. But most of the time, at least here out West, the ground is too difficult to dig with a spade. Wildlife such as horses and donkeys leave much larger piles all over the place, so I doubt that our human contribution will upset most environments. Be discreet, and stay a distance from roads or dirt paths.
If night, don’t forget a small flashlight or lantern that can be hands free.
Dress for the occasion
Skimpy shorts may be sexy and comfortable, but bare legs will regret it if you have to negotiate your way through cactus or shrubs to find a “spot”. Ditto, you will want hiking boots or at least some sort of closed toe footwear.
Choose clothing that is convenient for the chore. Tight fitting slacks that fight you would be a poor choice. Nor would you want a one-piece jumper.
Even men need to think about their wardrobe. For instance, I often wear suspenders because my cargo pockets and belt are weighted down with stuff, and I generally wear a pistol (because you can’t just call 911). In the city, my suspenders and holster are concealed inside of my shirt. But on trail runs, those suspenders are outside, so that I do not need to completely remove my top to expose my bottom!
Some women go “commando” to avoid dealing with one extra layer of clothing.
Don’t be embarrassed
Biology is what it is. We are adults, and are pretty familiar with human anatomy of both sexes. No one will make fun of you for going to the bathroom. Nor will we gawk and try to sneak a peek.
Go in “peace” and do not be self-conscious. It is totally natural.
